1
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:17,750
♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

2
00:00:17,780 --> 00:00:23,410
♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

3
00:00:23,450 --> 00:00:25,950
♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

4
00:00:25,980 --> 00:00:28,750
♪ on the night we kissed

5
00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:33,980
♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

6
00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:37,150
♪ what would we do, baby

7
00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:39,850
♪ without us?

8
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,510
♪ what would we do, baby

9
00:00:42,550 --> 00:00:45,180
♪ without us?

10
00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:47,850
♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

11
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,850
♪ we can't love
each other through ♪

12
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,310
♪ ooh-hoo

13
00:00:51,350 --> 00:00:54,180
♪ what would we do, baby

14
00:00:54,210 --> 00:00:57,050
♪ without us?

15
00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:00,580
♪ sha-la-la-la.

16
00:01:03,110 --> 00:01:05,880
Elyse: And now, direct from
the Keaton household,

17
00:01:05,910 --> 00:01:08,510
the moment you've all
been waiting for,

18
00:01:08,550 --> 00:01:10,910
the lighting
of the Christmas tree!

19
00:01:12,580 --> 00:01:14,250
Oh, it's beautiful!

20
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,010
Mallory: You sure know
how to pick them, dad.

21
00:01:16,050 --> 00:01:17,910
Steven: Thank you, thank you.

22
00:01:19,130 --> 00:01:21,160
Oh, this is the best ever.

23
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:22,530
It must have taken you
a long time

24
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:24,130
to pick this one out.
No, no, no.

25
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,000
I knew this was the one for us

26
00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:29,260
the moment I backed into it
with the car.

27
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:31,430
We get more things that way.

28
00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:33,060
Oh, look, it's starting to snow!

29
00:01:33,100 --> 00:01:36,160
Oh, that's perfect.
Snow on Christmas Eve.

30
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,100
Mwah! What could be better?

31
00:01:39,930 --> 00:01:41,130
They can put a man on the Moon,

32
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,700
but they can't stop
this white slop

33
00:01:42,730 --> 00:01:45,060
from falling out of the sky.

34
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,700
Merry Christmas
to you, too, Alex.

35
00:01:47,730 --> 00:01:51,030
Take it easy with the
merry christmases, will ya, ma?

36
00:01:51,060 --> 00:01:53,700
This holiday is a silly,
sentimental farce.

37
00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:55,330
It's phony.

38
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:58,660
People just pretend to have
this so-called Christmas spirit.

39
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,630
We can't all have
this natural yuletide verve

40
00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:02,560
that you possess.

41
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,000
Did you remember to get
the cough syrup for Jennifer?

42
00:02:06,030 --> 00:02:08,200
No, I forgot. I'll, uh...
I'll get it tomorrow.

43
00:02:08,230 --> 00:02:10,530
Tomorrow's Christmas, Alex.

44
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:11,960
Yeah, so?

45
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,160
So the stores will be closed.

46
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,730
All day?

47
00:02:17,230 --> 00:02:20,060
Boy, this thing
is really getting out of hand.

48
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,330
Look, sorry I forgot.
I'll tell you what.

49
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,300
If this thing gets any worse,
I'll, uh...

50
00:02:24,330 --> 00:02:26,660
I'll take you
to the emergency room myself.

51
00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:30,900
All right, but don't try
to count that as my present.

52
00:02:30,930 --> 00:02:33,760
Can't beat the present
he gave me last year.

53
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,260
I gave you a present last year?

54
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:39,800
Yeah, you took the garbage out
for me.

55
00:02:39,830 --> 00:02:42,000
Right, right. Well, uh...

56
00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:45,060
Don't expect any of
that sloppy sentiment this year.

57
00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:46,400
Oh, that reminds me.

58
00:02:46,430 --> 00:02:47,700
Listen,
I know it's kind of late,

59
00:02:47,730 --> 00:02:49,100
but can we make
an arrangement here?

60
00:02:49,130 --> 00:02:52,500
Uh, I say we don't exchange
gifts this year, huh?

61
00:02:52,530 --> 00:02:54,200
How about it?

62
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,030
That's a heartwarming
thought, Alex,

63
00:02:58,060 --> 00:03:00,800
but, uh, we've already
got our gifts for you.

64
00:03:00,830 --> 00:03:02,900
Ah!

65
00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:06,360
You know, Alex, just because
you're an old scrooge,

66
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,760
why do the rest of us
have to suffer?

67
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,500
Because we're family, Jennifer.

68
00:03:11,530 --> 00:03:13,400
We do things together.

69
00:03:13,430 --> 00:03:16,530
All right, I think it is time
to take a picture.

70
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,460
Everybody, take your positions

71
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:21,600
for the traditional
Keaton Christmas photo.

72
00:03:21,630 --> 00:03:22,860
Elyse: Come on, join us, Alex.

73
00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:24,560
You know your spot.
Come on, Alex.

74
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,030
The timer is set.
You've got 11 seconds.

75
00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:28,360
Forget it. Forget it.

76
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,830
I refuse to participate
in this ridiculous ceremony

77
00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:32,100
for a ridiculous holiday.

78
00:03:32,130 --> 00:03:33,500
Elyse: Oh, come on.

79
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:36,400
I can't believe you guys.
The same old stupid poses.

80
00:03:37,530 --> 00:03:40,730
Oh, and, uh, don't try
airbrushing me in later.

81
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,260
Alex...

82
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:46,160
All: Merry Christmas.

83
00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:50,230
Christmas cheer.

84
00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:51,400
Who needs it?

85
00:03:51,430 --> 00:03:52,730
Just another holiday.

86
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,930
You don't see people
falling all over themselves

87
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,860
on Columbus day.

88
00:03:56,900 --> 00:03:59,160
Carolers: * God rest
ye merry gentlemen... *

89
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,460
what?

90
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,000
♪ let nothing you dismay

91
00:04:02,030 --> 00:04:03,560
♪ remember Christ our...

92
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,630
Hey! Boy: Hi, Mr. Keaton!

93
00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:07,630
Christmas cheer to you, sir.

94
00:04:07,660 --> 00:04:10,930
Get off the lawn
before I call the cops.

95
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,960
And take the rest of those
clowns with you.

96
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,530
Oh, sorry, reverend.

97
00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:17,130
Reverend: Seasons greetings.

98
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,430
God bless you, Alex.

99
00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:20,660
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

100
00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:22,600
What is wrong with these people?

101
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,030
You show them a little snow,

102
00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:27,500
they break into song about
chestnuts nipping at your nose.

103
00:04:27,530 --> 00:04:28,930
Christmas.

104
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,430
Bah, humbug!

105
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,330
What?

106
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,060
Who's there?

107
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,360
Jennifer,
what are you doing here?

108
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,960
I am not Jennifer.

109
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,200
I am the ghost
of Christmas past.

110
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,960
Yeah, and I'm Ed McMahon.

111
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,130
Look get out of here, will you?

112
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,500
You're smoking up
the whole room.

113
00:05:07,460 --> 00:05:09,460
On second thought,
why don't you sit down?

114
00:05:10,900 --> 00:05:13,300
Arise, Alex, and come hither,

115
00:05:13,330 --> 00:05:15,300
for I am charged
with showing you

116
00:05:15,330 --> 00:05:17,030
the true meaning of Christmas.

117
00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:19,430
Hey, I'm not coming hither.

118
00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,030
Unh-unh. No way.

119
00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:23,460
Alex, come hither.

120
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,100
I'm coming hither.

121
00:05:26,130 --> 00:05:28,960
I'm hither.

122
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,460
A ghost, huh?

123
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,460
Of course I'm a ghost.

124
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,830
If I were a person, I would have
come through the door.

125
00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:36,660
Where are we going?

126
00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:38,530
Just grab my sleeve.

127
00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:42,660
We're going to a place you know.

128
00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:45,160
Hey, look out for the wall. Wah!

129
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:46,460
Whoa!

130
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:49,700
The living room?

131
00:05:49,730 --> 00:05:52,000
You got me out of bed
to show me the living room?

132
00:05:52,030 --> 00:05:54,800
Wait a minute.
What's with this furniture?

133
00:05:54,830 --> 00:05:56,500
This isn't our living room.

134
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:59,730
Yes, it is... 10 years ago
on Christmas morning.

135
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,600
♪ dashing through the snow

136
00:06:01,630 --> 00:06:03,800
♪ in a one-horse open sleigh

137
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,830
♪ o'er the fields we go

138
00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:07,660
hey, that's mom. * laughing
all the... ha-ha-ha-ha! *

139
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,530
h-hey, mom! Mom, over here.
* bells on bobtail ring

140
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:10,860
it's me... Alex.

141
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:14,760
She can't hear you, Alex.
She can't see you, either.

142
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,660
Oh, mom, I've been looking
all over for you.

143
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:20,230
Hey. Hey, that's me!

144
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:22,430
Ha! That's me!

145
00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:24,360
I finished balancing
your checkbook, mom.

146
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,130
Oh! Thank you, Alex.

147
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,100
I started on your tax returns,

148
00:06:29,130 --> 00:06:32,560
but I can't do much
until you get your W-2s.

149
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,400
I don't want a repeat
of what happened last year.

150
00:06:35,430 --> 00:06:37,060
Yeah, I'm sorry
about that, Alex.

151
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:38,960
That was our fault.

152
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,130
Yeah, but I'm the one
that sweated out the audit.

153
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,500
Alex: That's Mallory.

154
00:06:47,330 --> 00:06:50,600
Mommy, can we open up
presents now?

155
00:06:50,630 --> 00:06:53,100
Please, please, please,
please, please?

156
00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:56,000
She always had a way with words.

157
00:06:56,030 --> 00:06:57,300
In a minute, honey.

158
00:06:57,330 --> 00:07:00,060
Mallory, all you think about
are opening the presents.

159
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,460
Can you please exercise
a little discipline

160
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:03,800
and self-control?

161
00:07:03,830 --> 00:07:07,500
I already exercised today,
so there, Alex!

162
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,430
Never was an even match, was it?

163
00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:13,760
Alex, please don't
turn on the TV.

164
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:15,440
We're gonna open the presents
in a minute.

165
00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:18,330
Mom, this won't take long.
There's something I have to see.

166
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:19,760
Man: And further evidence

167
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,730
emerged today
linking president Nixon

168
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,100
with the Watergate Break-in
of last year.

169
00:07:24,130 --> 00:07:25,730
This is a witch-hunt!

170
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,800
They're persecuting
an innocent man.

171
00:07:27,830 --> 00:07:31,900
Look at that.
Is that the face of a crook?

172
00:07:31,930 --> 00:07:33,000
Alex, turn off the set.

173
00:07:33,030 --> 00:07:34,900
He's spoiling
my Christmas spirit.

174
00:07:34,930 --> 00:07:36,500
Come on, now. Sit up here.

175
00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:38,330
Mallory.

176
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,200
Okay, now can we open
the presents?

177
00:07:40,230 --> 00:07:42,300
Please, please, please,
please, please?

178
00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:43,860
No, and I'll tell you why.

179
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:48,330
Because we're expecting
a visitor from the North Pole!

180
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,130
Right now!

181
00:07:53,530 --> 00:07:55,930
I said we're gonna have
a very special visitor

182
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,830
from the North Pole!

183
00:07:58,860 --> 00:08:00,630
Hey!

184
00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:03,100
Steven: Ho, ho, ho!

185
00:08:03,130 --> 00:08:06,530
Merry Christmas!

186
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,660
Merry Christmas, everybody!

187
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:14,300
Well, if it isn't Alex
and Mallory Keaton.

188
00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:16,900
Hi, daddy.

189
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,630
Hi, pop.

190
00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:20,460
Getting too smart for me.

191
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,260
I guess I better stick
with Jennifer.

192
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:26,700
Oh, hi, baby!

193
00:08:26,730 --> 00:08:28,830
Ho, ho, ho!

194
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:31,000
Dada.

195
00:08:31,030 --> 00:08:33,260
You fooled me.

196
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,830
Well, merry Christmas,
everybody.

197
00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:37,730
Merry Christmas, dad.

198
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,800
Can we open the presents now?

199
00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:42,230
I'm so excited.

200
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:44,260
Oh, sure.

201
00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:46,100
Sure.

202
00:08:46,130 --> 00:08:50,200
Well, this one is for Mallory.

203
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,530
And this one is for Alex.

204
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,730
A telephone.

205
00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,060
Hello?

206
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,700
Nobody's there.

207
00:09:01,730 --> 00:09:04,060
Good grief.

208
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,030
It's a pretend phone, Mallory.

209
00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:07,900
You can talk on it all day long.

210
00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:10,330
So that's how it began.

211
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,630
Go ahead
and open yours now, Alex.

212
00:09:12,660 --> 00:09:14,900
No, you open
your presents first.

213
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,260
That's the real joy.

214
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:19,160
Watching other people
enjoy your presents.

215
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,400
Hear that, Alex?

216
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:23,000
I heard it. I heard it.

217
00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:24,130
Hey, I have an idea.

218
00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,500
Before we open
the rest of the presents,

219
00:09:26,530 --> 00:09:28,430
let's take a picture
around the tree.

220
00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:31,460
Yeah!
Okay, the camera's all set.

221
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,300
Let's pose
like we're decorating it,

222
00:09:35,330 --> 00:09:37,230
then every Christmas,
we'll take the same picture

223
00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:38,560
with the same pose.

224
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,260
What a good idea!

225
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,260
Oh, okay.

226
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,030
That was my idea?

227
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:44,760
Get ready, everyone. Okay.

228
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,030
All: Merry Christmas!

229
00:09:48,730 --> 00:09:50,100
Come on.

230
00:09:50,130 --> 00:09:51,930
Now let's sing
a Christmas Carol.

231
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,800
Oh, okay. Elyse?

232
00:09:53,830 --> 00:09:56,030
♪ the first Noel

233
00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:59,160
all: * the angels did say

234
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:05,100
♪ was to certain poor Shepherds
in fields as they lay ♪

235
00:10:05,130 --> 00:10:06,460
we must go now.

236
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:07,700
But...
Our visit here is over.

237
00:10:07,730 --> 00:10:09,260
But they're...
But they're singing.

238
00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:11,000
It... it's so nice.
I don't want to go yet.

239
00:10:11,030 --> 00:10:12,160
I'm sorry.

240
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,330
Can't we stay
just a-a little longer?

241
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:15,530
Please?

242
00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:18,160
No, we can't. Regulations, Alex.

243
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,230
♪ Noel

244
00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:24,300
♪ Noel, Noel

245
00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:26,660
♪ born is...

246
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:28,560
That was beautiful.

247
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,030
That was really beautiful.

248
00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:32,230
Can we... can we go
back there later?

249
00:10:32,260 --> 00:10:35,130
I'm sorry.
You can't go home again.

250
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,960
Well, here we are. Home again.

251
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,730
Have you learned anything
tonight?

252
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,660
Look, I realize I may have gone
a little overboard

253
00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:45,460
earlier this evening.

254
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:49,530
Maybe I have lost some of
my youthful zest for Christmas.

255
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,030
And I... and I feel badly
about it.

256
00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:52,960
And...
And I'm gonna change.

257
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,460
That's good to hear.

258
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:56,730
Okay, so, uh...

259
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,460
Merry Christmas to all,

260
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,000
and to all,

261
00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:02,330
particularly you, a good night.

262
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,460
Uh, you mind closing the wall
behind you?

263
00:11:12,730 --> 00:11:15,430
Oh, no. You, too, Mallory?

264
00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:17,560
My shift is over, Alex.

265
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,900
She's here to relieve me.

266
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,500
I don't believe this.

267
00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:22,730
Farewell.

268
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:28,960
I hope someone gets me
a smoke alarm for Christmas.

269
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:32,530
Arise, Alex, and come...

270
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,830
I know. I'm hither. I'm hither.

271
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,930
I am the ghost
of Christmas future.

272
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,330
Uh, look, can we do this later?

273
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,860
I-I just got in
from Christmas past

274
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,930
and I'm a little tired.

275
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,260
You must go, Alex.

276
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,200
You must see
what the future holds.

277
00:11:47,230 --> 00:11:48,600
Am I gonna like it?

278
00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:49,630
I don't think so.

279
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:51,300
Then, uh, I don't want to go.

280
00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:54,200
You have no choice.

281
00:12:12,530 --> 00:12:14,200
Welcome to the future, Alex.

282
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:15,430
What a dump.

283
00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:17,960
This can't be our house.

284
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,530
How did this happen?

285
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:22,860
The Keaton family
fell upon hard times, Alex.

286
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,430
All of us?

287
00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:26,530
Oh, you're okay.
You live in New York now.

288
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:28,760
You're a very wealthy man.

289
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,330
What a shame about the family.

290
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,030
Just how wealthy am I?

291
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,860
♪ dashing through the snow

292
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,300
♪ in a one-horse open sleigh

293
00:12:38,330 --> 00:12:40,360
hey, that old lady
looks like mom.

294
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,700
That's mom.

295
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:44,500
Yup, and she's all spruced up
for Christmas.

296
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,360
What's with the laundry?

297
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,600
Oh, that's how they eke out
an existence now.

298
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:53,060
Mom takes in people's laundry.

299
00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:55,060
Steven!

300
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:58,630
Come on down
and see our Christmas tree!

301
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,860
You got a tree?

302
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:05,000
Oh, how do you like it?

303
00:13:05,030 --> 00:13:07,660
Wonderful!

304
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:10,000
The most beautiful tree
we've had in years.

305
00:13:10,030 --> 00:13:11,530
Uh-huh.

306
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,960
Why didn't I buy them
a better tree?

307
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,060
You said I had a lot of money.

308
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:18,400
Uh, by the way,
when you said "a lot of money,"

309
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:19,730
did you mean, like, uh...

310
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,300
Alex, that's not important.

311
00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:23,060
Right, right.

312
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:26,430
Hello, mother.

313
00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:27,960
Oh, Mallory!

314
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,560
Whoa, she really put on weight.

315
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,860
She's pregnant,
and I think she looks radiant.

316
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,200
Where's her husband?

317
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,530
Oh, he's in debtor's prison.

318
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:36,760
You put him there.

319
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,300
He couldn't repay the money
you lent him

320
00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:40,200
for his grandmother's operation.

321
00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:44,230
Ooh, Jennifer's home
from work early today.

322
00:13:44,260 --> 00:13:45,230
Oh!

323
00:13:45,260 --> 00:13:48,030
Ugh!

324
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:51,160
Park your wheelbarrow
outside, honey!

325
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,530
Wheelbarrow?

326
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,830
She sells dirt.

327
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,530
Oh, no.

328
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:07,000
Come in and see our tree,
Jennifer.

329
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,060
Where is it?

330
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,730
Right here.

331
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,300
Oh, wow.

332
00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:16,700
What's the matter
with her voice?

333
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:18,460
She has a very advanced
sore throat.

334
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:21,000
She's had a cold
for 30 years now.

335
00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:23,300
Been trying to save up
for some cough syrup.

336
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:25,560
Oh.

337
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,160
Jennifer, I'm sorry.

338
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,430
I-I-i meant to get you
the cough medicine.

339
00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:30,930
I really did.

340
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,860
Forget it, Alex.
She can't hear you.

341
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:36,800
What a beautiful tree.

342
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:39,100
That's a terrible tree.

343
00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:42,100
Why didn't dad just back over
a tree like he used to do?

344
00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:43,430
No car.

345
00:14:43,460 --> 00:14:47,000
That wheelbarrow's their
only means of transportation.

346
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:48,860
Let's decorate it! Oh.

347
00:14:48,900 --> 00:14:50,330
Do we still have our tinsel?

348
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,400
Mm, right... right...
Right here.

349
00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:56,200
Mm.

350
00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:57,700
Ooh!

351
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:02,100
It's beautiful.

352
00:15:04,830 --> 00:15:06,130
Oh, why...

353
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,600
Why are you crying, honey?

354
00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:11,600
I remember when Alex
sold us that tinsel...

355
00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:13,630
At cost.

356
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,400
It's Alex! Oh!

357
00:15:17,430 --> 00:15:18,500
Oh!

358
00:15:18,530 --> 00:15:22,330
Oh, will you look
at that helicopter?

359
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,630
He... he's landing
in the front yard.

360
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:27,130
Oh!

361
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,160
Ah!

362
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,930
He crushed the wheelbarrow...

363
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,730
Our only means
of transportation.

364
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,360
I'll buy you a new one,
Jennifer. I promise.

365
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,500
Mallory: He's getting out!

366
00:15:38,530 --> 00:15:39,630
What's he carrying?

367
00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:40,960
Oh! A bag!

368
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,760
He brought us
Christmas presents!

369
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,830
Oh! Ugh!

370
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,500
There, you see?
I'm... I'm really a nice guy.

371
00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,330
I'm bringing them presents.

372
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,700
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

373
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,960
Oh, no. What happened to me?

374
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,560
You lost your spirit.

375
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,360
Never mind my spirit.
What about my hair?

376
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,700
Mom. Uh, mom?

377
00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:08,000
Let go of the coat.

378
00:16:08,030 --> 00:16:10,600
Oh. A thousand pardons.

379
00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:12,960
Have you come
to spend Christmas with us?

380
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,430
Spend Christmas here?

381
00:16:15,460 --> 00:16:19,300
Ha ha ha!

382
00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:22,430
Well, that's funny, right?

383
00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:26,030
All: Ha, ha, ha!

384
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:30,330
Where are you going
on this glorious holiday,

385
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,700
this holiest of holy days?

386
00:16:33,730 --> 00:16:34,860
Vegas.

387
00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:40,000
I just thought I'd stop by,
drop off the laundry.

388
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,630
Oh!

389
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:43,030
Oh, Alex, thank you!

390
00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:46,530
Oh, Steven, he's gonna let me
do his laundry again!

391
00:16:47,830 --> 00:16:50,460
Boy, you really
let this place go.

392
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,760
That's a nice tree, though.

393
00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:57,030
So...

394
00:16:57,060 --> 00:16:59,730
Mom, dad...

395
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:04,200
what you been up to?

396
00:17:04,230 --> 00:17:05,760
Oh, the usual.

397
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:10,060
Trying to eke out an existence
in a depressed economy.

398
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:13,160
Are you still harping
about losing your job?

399
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,030
No, I-i thought it over,

400
00:17:15,060 --> 00:17:17,760
and I decided
you were right to fire me.

401
00:17:21,330 --> 00:17:24,800
Oh, will you stop
that infernal coughing?

402
00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:26,330
Sorry, sir.

403
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,730
So, Mallory...

404
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,930
Barefoot and pregnant
again, huh?

405
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,900
What you gonna name this one?

406
00:17:34,930 --> 00:17:37,760
Uh, "Alex"...

407
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,400
Just like the other four.

408
00:17:40,430 --> 00:17:42,300
Well, as long as
you don't expect me

409
00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:44,430
to treat 'em like family.

410
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:45,960
Alex is right, Mallory.

411
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,830
He's been so good to us already

412
00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:51,160
with this visit and the laundry.

413
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,660
Well, I'm glad
you enjoyed my company.

414
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:55,600
I don't feel comfortable here.

415
00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:58,500
I'm ashamed of all of you.
Merry Christmas.

416
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:02,730
Wait. Wait a minute.

417
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,230
These people need food.

418
00:18:04,260 --> 00:18:06,830
You... you can't leave them
like this.

419
00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:08,060
Hey, listen to me.

420
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,500
Oh. Come back here.

421
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:12,160
Look, I'm your... I'm you!

422
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,330
Ciao.

423
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,600
Save your breath, Alex.

424
00:18:14,630 --> 00:18:17,200
You can't hear you.
Merry Christmas!

425
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,930
Wait a minute!
Come back here, you tightwad!

426
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,830
Come back!
Give them some money!

427
00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:31,000
Boy, I didn't enjoy that at all.

428
00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:33,760
Not a pretty picture, eh, Alex?

429
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:34,860
Horrible.

430
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:36,730
Tell me, Mallory,
I-i got to know.

431
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,230
Does that future have to be?
Can I change it?

432
00:18:40,260 --> 00:18:42,860
I don't want to be bald.

433
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:44,130
Relax, Alex.

434
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,700
The future's the only thing
you can change.

435
00:18:46,730 --> 00:18:48,760
I can?

436
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,060
What... what...
What do I have to do? Tell me.

437
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:53,160
Be good to your family,

438
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,660
share your good fortune
with others,

439
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:57,330
and, most importantly,

440
00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:00,200
massage your scalp every night.

441
00:19:00,230 --> 00:19:03,100
I will, I promise.

442
00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:04,330
Aw, thanks.

443
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,560
Thanks for showing me

444
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,400
the jerk I've been in the past

445
00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:09,630
and... and the jerk I'm gonna be
in the future.

446
00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:10,730
And don't forget

447
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,560
the jerk you are in the present.

448
00:19:19,460 --> 00:19:21,500
♪ dashing through the snow

449
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:23,100
♪ in a one-horse open sleigh

450
00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:24,430
Can't we open the presents yet?

451
00:19:24,460 --> 00:19:25,860
♪ o'er the fields we go

452
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,830
Can't we? Please, please,
please, please, please?

453
00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:31,860
Oh, all right,
maybe just a couple.

454
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:33,260
We could open mine.

455
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:36,760
We promised Alex
we'd wait till he got back.

456
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,560
But from where? He wouldn't even
tell us where he was going.

457
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,730
Yeah, he might have left
the country forever.

458
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,600
Maybe that's his present to us.

459
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:50,460
Ho, ho, ho!

460
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:52,160
Merry Christmas!

461
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,430
Alex?

462
00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:56,500
Hey, can't fool dad...
Old St. Nick himself.

463
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,700
Alex, where have you been?

464
00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:00,160
Shopping.

465
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,700
You know, I realized
that it's Christmas morning

466
00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:06,060
and I had no way of showing
how I feel about all of you,

467
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:07,900
how much I-i care about you,

468
00:20:07,930 --> 00:20:09,830
how important you are to me

469
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,500
on this day of days.

470
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:13,960
Maybe the beard's on too tight.

471
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,300
What's in the bag?

472
00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:16,600
Presents.

473
00:20:16,630 --> 00:20:18,430
Something for everyone.

474
00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:20,100
Now, you got to keep in mind
with these gifts

475
00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:22,060
that it's the thought
that counts, okay?

476
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:24,630
The only place open this morning
was a 7-Eleven.

477
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:29,300
Dad, merry Christmas.

478
00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:35,000
A cup of coffee.

479
00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:36,900
Alex, how did you know?

480
00:20:36,930 --> 00:20:39,330
You've been hinting all year.

481
00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:43,060
Mallory.

482
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:44,360
Alex...

483
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,600
Beef jerky.

484
00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:49,360
You must have read my diary.

485
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:52,960
For you, mom.
It was the last one.

486
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,060
A "TV Guide."

487
00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:56,760
I'm speechless.

488
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,930
Hey, you don't have to speak.
You can read.

489
00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:02,300
Jennifer...

490
00:21:02,330 --> 00:21:05,360
A six-pack of cough syrup.

491
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,100
You are never selling dirt
while I'm alive.

492
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,400
Dirt?

493
00:21:13,630 --> 00:21:15,260
What else is in here, Alex?

494
00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:16,760
Oh, nothing, nothing.

495
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,960
"Bald No More.

496
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,800
Massage into scalp
every night... "

497
00:21:21,830 --> 00:21:24,500
uh, give me that. Give me that.

498
00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:27,830
Alex, this is
a... a very nice surprise.

499
00:21:27,860 --> 00:21:30,030
You know, last night,

500
00:21:30,060 --> 00:21:33,300
I-I learned a little something
about myself.

501
00:21:33,330 --> 00:21:37,000
I realized I've been missing out
on something.

502
00:21:37,030 --> 00:21:38,830
And I have, uh...

503
00:21:38,860 --> 00:21:41,000
I have Mallory...

504
00:21:41,030 --> 00:21:43,400
And Jennifer to thank for it.

505
00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:47,900
Oh!

506
00:21:47,930 --> 00:21:50,330
Almost forgot. One more thing.

507
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,830
I found a one-hour laundry open.

508
00:21:52,860 --> 00:21:57,130
I had everyone's clothes
cleaned and pressed.

509
00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:01,030
I don't want you
to ever do laundry again, mom.

510
00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:03,100
One more thing.

511
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,000
Mwah.

512
00:22:07,730 --> 00:22:08,830
Hit it, reverend.

513
00:22:08,860 --> 00:22:10,860
Carolers: * joy to the world

514
00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:13,230
♪ the lord is come

515
00:22:13,260 --> 00:22:16,530
♪ let earth receive her king

516
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,800
Alex, what has gotten into you?

517
00:22:18,830 --> 00:22:20,760
I'm happy.

518
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,460
Can't a guy be happy
on Christmas?

519
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,660
I mean, look...
Look at this house.

520
00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:28,960
There's no laundry
hanging across the room.

521
00:22:30,060 --> 00:22:33,160
We have a tree
with real needles.

522
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:34,960
Jennifer's clean.

523
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:36,500
Mallory's not pregnant.

524
00:22:37,460 --> 00:22:39,160
What?! What?! What?!

525
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,660
I said,
"Mallory's not president."

526
00:22:41,700 --> 00:22:44,200
But, hey, in this country,
she could be.

527
00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:50,400
I just want
you all to know that, uh...

528
00:22:51,830 --> 00:22:54,760
you're the most important
people in the world to me.

529
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,330
And I know
I don't show it sometimes,

530
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,900
but I love you all very much.

531
00:22:59,930 --> 00:23:02,030
Merry Christmas.

532
00:23:02,060 --> 00:23:04,360
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Alex.

533
00:23:05,630 --> 00:23:07,930
All right,
it is time for a picture.

534
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,660
All right, we... I guess
we don't have to be so, uh...

535
00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:12,100
So formal this time.

536
00:23:12,130 --> 00:23:14,400
Just pose any way you want.

537
00:23:14,430 --> 00:23:16,200
No, wait. Wait a minute.

538
00:23:16,230 --> 00:23:18,600
Dad, this is Christmas morning.
We got to do this right.

539
00:23:18,630 --> 00:23:21,200
Traditional Keaton
Christmas positions.

540
00:23:21,230 --> 00:23:23,030
Steven: All right. Okay!

541
00:23:23,060 --> 00:23:25,600
Hurry up. Oh, be careful
of the tree, honey.

542
00:23:25,630 --> 00:23:27,200
Got it? Oh, yes.

543
00:23:27,230 --> 00:23:29,300
Honey, quick, quick, quick.
Here it comes.

544
00:23:29,330 --> 00:23:30,800
Perfect.

545
00:23:30,830 --> 00:23:32,730
All: Merry Christmas!